Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3pm strippers are depressing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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