If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
