I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
