I never want to see another naked old woman again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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