hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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