She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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