I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
