Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
