she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
