He is an equal opportunity slut.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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