its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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