Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
