My hand turned me down
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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