He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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