i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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