I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
