I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
