I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So vagazzling was a success
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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