I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
false alarm. still invincible.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
