First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
