Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
