The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
