i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
