she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
