Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
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The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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