I've blown a few things in my day
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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