Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
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For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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