i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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