Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
