we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
