My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
