I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
