And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
