You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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