I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
