Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
