she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
