I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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