fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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