uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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