3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
