I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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