OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
