He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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