Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
