He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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