Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
