Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
