it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
