You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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