For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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