Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
