My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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