I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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