I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
