I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
