dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
