areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
