We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
