oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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