Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
