That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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