Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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