Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
