I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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